Season 2 Episode 1 - Fitting in or Belonging
Welcome to the second series of TOUGH LOVE ENERGY! I’m so excited to continue creating and sharing this podcast with you and I hope you enjoy what I have in store for you through this next series.
This week, I’ll be exploring the difference between fitting in and belonging. Although the difference seems subtle on the surface, it can make a huge difference to our understanding of ourselves, our ability to make genuine, meaningful connections with others as well as our own self-worth.
Belonging is an instinctual desire to be part of something bigger than ourselves. It is a core human need, a feeling inside of us that we really can’t control, we just want to feel connected and part of a wider community. We were never, ever, meant to do this business of life alone. The reality is that we need each other and we need to have that connection and that sense of community in our lives.
Paradoxically, we are more connected than ever on a global scale, through technology and social media, and yet we are less connected than ever with the people around us. And when you throw in the small matter of a global pandemic too, many of us have lost touch with what it means to really belong and it's becoming more difficult to establish those meaningful connections with the people around us.
The idea of ‘fitting in’ comes into play through the motivation that many of us feel to be accepted. We are influenced, for example, into thinking that the more followers we have on social media, or the more likes we get on an Instagram reel or TikTok video, that this somehow portrays to the world our true worth. We started this behaviour in our childhood, when we often imitated the clothes, haircuts and style of our friends and develop the same interests, hobbies and tastes.
The truth is that the more you try to fit in, the less likely you are to belong. Fitting in is about looking at a given situation and then doing all you can to become exactly who you think you should be in order to be accepted. It’s about moulding yourself to be the person you think you need to be, not who you really are.
As I explore in this episode, the main issue that many of us are facing, is that we hold the mistaken belief that fitting in, being accepted, is the same as belonging. It is not. True belonging only occurs when we present ourselves as we are - the real, flawed, imperfect version of ourselves. Can you see the difference?
I hope you find this episode helpful and that it encourages you to really consider your relationship and understanding to belonging and fitting in. Are you confusing the motivation to fit in for a sense of belonging? Where are you moulding yourself to be accepted? And how can you be more accepting of yourself, as you are right now?
As always, I love to hear from you so do share with me what you found useful. You can connect with me over on Instagram and over in my free Facebook community, The Changing Room.
Until next time, much love,
Niamh x